Weekly Newspaper Column and Cookbook.

If you don't weigh more than your refrigerator you're a skinny, cook!

Announcing! Dave's newest E-Book just published by Amazon.com. You can download it for just 49 cents.

The Amazon.Shorts division of Amazon.com just published my e-book Skinny Cooks Can't Be Trusted. It's available for download for 49 cents and contains 15,346 words in it's sixty-four pages of fun and informative reading.

While I've been choosing my words as a freelancer for a long time, I had to learn to work with a whole new way of publishing in this project and it's been fun.

Now, folks from around the world can download and enjoy some Things You Can Do with A Tube of Biscuits In The Privacy of Your Home, get my recipes for The World's Most Dangerous Soups and experiment in cooking with booze with my Kicking Mule In The Kitchen recipes.

The e-book can be accessed and downloaded by going to Amazon.com and entering Skinny Cooks - or my name Dave Kessler - in the search box. This link will take you directly to my book: http://www.amazon.com/Skinny-Cooks-Can%C2%92t-Be-Trusted/dp/B000JFZAII/sr=11-1/qid=1163182288/ref=sr_11_1/102-7056286-4692931 if you copy and paste it in your browser's search box.

It's been a fun experience for me. It will be the most fun you can have for 49 cents anywhere in the world! Thanks. Dave

Skinny Cooks Can't Be Trusted By Dave Kessler. 116 Page 8 1/2x11" Cookbook. Everybody who eats will love this book.

Sections include

Walking Around & Warm Up Foods. 21 recipes here including: Rolls Royce Dip, Red Garlic Bread, Flying Saucers For Kids, Spray On Barbecue Sauce, Pirates Fish Batter, Home Made Maid Rite burgers & Breaded Tenderloin Sandwiches.

Salads, Soups & Vegetables. 26 recipes here incuding: Peanut Butter Banana Salad, Quick & Thick Broccoli Soup,Cheese Soup As It Should Be, Industrial Strength Kielbasa Soup, All American Split Pea Soup, 3 Cheese Escalloped Potatoes with Ham, Pig Ears two ways, Pearl Liford's Tomato Gravy, Onion Pie, Betty Grandma's Corn Fritters, Aspargus Casserole & more.

Meats, Poultry & Seafood. 30 recipes here including: Camper's Breakfast, One-eyed Bull, Barbecued Country Ribs, New Paris Boiled Dinner, Ellen's Roast Lamb, Fried Lumpy, Old Family Ham Loaf, Mother's Meat Loaf, Baked Porkchops with Dressing, 7th. Floor Balcony Whole Hog Sausage, Kentucky Cornfield Greasy Beans, Midwestern Flat Plate Jambalaya, Chicken 'N Slickers, Fresh Tomato & Shrimp Spaghetti, Turtle Chowder, Shrimp Tycoon & $14 Oyster Soup.

Cakes, Pies, Cookies & Desserts:29 recipes here including: Painter's Butterscotch Cake, Reeda's Sugar Cream Pie, Lena's Lemon Cake Pie, Graham Cracker Pie, Cherry Wad, Twso-story Pumpkin/mincemeat Pie, Bryon's Pumpkin Roll, Aunt Glady's Dutch Apple Cake, Banana Cake with caremel Icing, George Washington Cake, Antiquer's Cake, Fire Chief's persimmon Pudding, Lemon Ice, World Class Bread Pudding, Mamaw's Shoe Sole Cookies & Soft Caramels.

Many More Wonderful Recipes: Fried Biscuits, Shrimp & Olive ABiscuit Cups, Overstuffed Pizza, Wine Jellyu, Claude's Cherry Bounce, Geezer Gophers & more.
If you don't weigh more than your refrigerator, you're a skinny cook and you need this wonderful book. You'll love the food! You'll love life! You'll live happily ever after!

Send $13.95 for shipping & handling. to Dave Kessler, 510 Greenbrier Drive, Richmond, IN 47374. Just a few copies left. Published in 1995.

Presidential Ham Salad Sandwich

This was an historical day in my hometown. Former President Clinton was coming to town for a speech and rally and I wanted to get in on the excitement. The speech was scheduled for an uptown fire station with a capacity of 500 people. More than 2,000 showed up.

Being somewhat a contrarian in many ways I went to the airport figuring that he'd fly in or fly out and I'd get a better chance to see him. At the airport I met the two pilots and the cabin attendant. I learned that the senior pilot was originally from Kokomo and the three of them had lunch at Carver's Family Restaurant.

The pilot pulled out a credit card and signed for $11,000 dollars worth of jet fuel which costs more than $4.00 a gallon. He also paid by credit card when the owner of the Hometown Deli brought the variety of sandwiches and desserts Pres. Clinton, the secret service guys and the flight crew would enjoy when leaving town.

The Sheriff's deputies and the Secret Service Man in charge were kind and allowed me to wait in a corner under a canopy rather than making me sit out in the rain. The Secret Service chief said the motorcade would go right past my location without stopping and drive out to the plane.

The President saw the crowd of a hundred or so standing in the rain and walked the 75 yards from the plane to meet and greet us. He established eye contact with me when he was about 20 feet away and I knew he was going to come to greet me.

I got all excited and snapped his photo when he was about five feet away failing to get his face in the picture but he did have on a nice suit. While driving to the airport I thought I should say something profound if I got the chance to meet him so he would remember the people of Richmond. So as we shook hands, and he has a good firm handshake, I profoundly said "Hi Prez." A friend said that must be right up there in the ranks of profound with "What's up Doc?"

Presidential Ham Salad Sandwich
4 slices of spiral sliced baked ham
4 jumbo boiled eggs
4 tablespoons Sweet Pickle relish
6 tablespoons Mayonnaise
Strips of crisp bacon dried on paper towels

Run the ham through your food processor. Add the rest of the ingredients except the bacon. Put a couple of slices of bacon on each sandwich. Enjoy.

You may think that's not much of a recipe but keep in mind that we folks who have to take care of Presidential duties aren't able to spend much time in the kitchen when duty calls. Besides, I used real ham instead of bologna and I did it all left-handed since I will never be washing my right hand ever again.

How To Make Bait For Catfish, Carp, Snapping Turtles, Alligators, Buzzards & Possums. By O.O. "Odd Otis" Olferd.

Warning!$1.1 Million in cash prize money in THE WORLD CARP CHAMPIONSHIP being held in Waddington, NY. Sponsored by the American Carp Society, it's the first time the World Carp Championship has been held in North America. There's a $100,000 cash prize for the team catching the most collective weight of carp. The big prize is $1 Million for catching a carp weighing more than 50 pounds 4 ounces.

Fishermen using our secret recipe for making Yankemfast Doughballs or our secret recipe for making Unfair Advantage Stink Bait are considered to have the best chance to win the big money.

"Secret Yankemfast Dough Balls". My favorite uncle uses our "Secret Yankemfast Dough Balls" and I've never seen him catch a fish less than 2 feet long. He's always winning pay-pond jackpots for the biggest fish or the most pounds caught. He catches catfish, carp and bass.

This recipe uses common household groceries and requires no cooking. Uncle is a catch and release fisherman so he takes a big landing net when he goes fishing. If you're a bring 'em home fisherman you might feel safer taking a pitchfork or harpoon.

"Unfair Advantage Stink Bait" You'll also get our "Unfair Advantage Stink Bait" recipe. Big fish don't have a chance. No blood and no cooking required. Just 2 secret ingredients that mesmerize & attract big fish - much the same as donuts attract cops.

"Alligator, Snapping Turtle, Buzzards & Possums Bait." If you're an outdoor photography fan you may get some great close-up shots when you toss some of our "Unfair Advantage Stink Bait" on the bank.
Only $2.98. We'll send it to you by email.
(C) 2005 Dave Kessler. Kesspress, 510 Greenbrier Drive, Richmond, IN 47374. Email dave@kesspress.com Thanks!

Groundhog Recipes

Barbecued, Fried & Roasted + A Bonus. By Dave Kessler, author of Skinny Cooks Can't be Trusted.

When it comes to eating groundhog the young ones are delicious. If you happen to get an older groundhiog you can enjoy it the best way as barbecued groundhog sandwiches.

Besides being weather prognosticators groundhogs are vegetarians with big appetites. Most farmers consider them to be varmints because they devour garden vegetables, corn and soybeans.

Groundhogs can often be heard before they're seen. They give a sharp loud whistle when communicating with other groundhogs. In some areas they're even commonly known as "whistle pigs."

· Fried Young Groundhog. You'll get the recipe and process for preparing fried groundhog.
· Barbecued Groundhog. Learn all about the soaking, parboiling and seasoning.
· Roasted Groundhog. You'll learn to soak and parboil them through two-waters, the roasting technique & the vegetables you must add to make a delicious meal in a roaster.
· FREE Bonus. You'll learn how to make groundhog hide shoe laces the "old-timey" way and learn why country boys always carried pocket knives.
· You'll be able to use these recipes with other wild game. You'll get all this in an 800+ word special report.
Only $2.98. We'll send it to you by email.

Blonde Brownies
Brownies are a great treat for any occasion and they come in a great variety. There aren't any bad brownies in the world but, some are better than others. Some are topped with icing, some are topped with powdered sugar and some are not topped at all. They may, or may not, include chopped nuts. Brownies which are thick, heavy and chewy are especially delightful and while most include chocolate in their ingredients many good ones omit chocolate altogether.

The brownies in today's column are light brown versions containing chopped black walnuts. They don't need any topping but, a sprinkling of powdered sugar would be just fine. These are just wonderful with a glass of milk or a cup of coffee and you'll really enjoy the chewy texture.
1/2 Cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup chopped black walnuts
Cream together the butter and brown sugar. Beat the egg with a fork or wisk and add it and the vanilla to the creamed butter and sugar. Stir well.

Add the three dry ingredients plus the chopped black walnuts and stir well. Grease a baking dish, or pan with two-inch high sides using butter. Pour the batter into the baking dish and spread out smooth with a spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes testing for doneness by pressing your finger on the top of the brownie. When the finger dent has some sping in it remove from oven and let cool before serving.

It will "fall" from its fresh from the oven height and become very chewy when allowed to cool. Cut into squares or bars for serving. That's all you need to do, but you could sprinkle on a little powdered sugar if you wish. You're going to love these and will probably want to double the recipe in the future. Experiment with heat setting and length of baking until you get it just right to suit you.

Pearl Liford's Tomato Gravy

Pearl Liford lived life like Pete Rose played baseball. She was always hustling to do something more at the moment and had plans to do much more in the future.

Pearl loved to decorate things including her home, yard and anything else that she thought could use a little improvement. Her enthusiasm was contagious and as she talked in her rapid-fire way, punctuated by many happy laughs, you would forget life's wrinkles and bumps and couldn't help enjoying yourself.

You could never guess Pearl's age by looking at her and seeing her in action. You would almost think she was kidding when she told her age but since I had known her for years I could attest that she was telling the truth.

Pearl told me "Folks might enjoy the tomato gravy I've made for years. There's no measurements because it depends on how big the tomatoes are and how many you fix. You can eat it over bread or on mashed potatoes and I like it on mashed potatoes best."

At the age of 102 Pearl recently began re-decorating and cooking tomato gravy in Heaven. That place will be much improved because of her.
Pearl Liford's Tomato Gravy
Tomatoes, "Peeled and cut up fine"
Butter
Pinch of soda
Salt and pepper
Sugar
Flour
Milk
Pearl's directions were: "Peel the tomatoes, cut them up fine and sauté them in the butter. When they're heated and soft mash them to mush. The pinch of soda should be sprinkled over the tomatoes and stirred. Add the salt and pepper to taste and enough sugar to sweeten.

"Sprinkle the flour over the tomatoes in the skillet and stir it in and let it sauté a few minutes to begin thickening and to absorb the flavor. Then, add milk and stir while it thickens and becomes smooth. "

If you want to be a full-of-pep live wire at your age just make a meal of this tomato gravy served over mashed potatoes like Pearl enjoyed it. Or, use it to top anything you usually top with any other gravy or sauce and it will give you plenty of flavor and zip.

Shaker-style Fall Vegetables
Even though local gardeners haven't had much rain there still is some garden produce in the area. Some of the late-summer and Fall produce can really be enjoyed fresh from the garden and when used in combinations a very special result can be produced.

One late Summer while in a deep vegetable rut, I had grown very tired of preparing and eating the same old things. But a lunch in the Golden Lamb, Ohio's oldest inn, in Lebanon, OH brought me out of the vegetable doldrums. There I enjoyed a Shaker-style vegetable combination of cabbage, carrots and parsnips that brought my vegetable taste buds back to exuberant life.

If you have access to such produce you'll enjoy trying this combination. This recipe is my own version which I find enjoyable. I really don't know how the Golden Lamb prepares their version but mine will do until you meet a Shaker or visit the inn.

However, the odds of meeting a Shaker are slim to none. This religious sect didn't believe in having children. It's like if your parents didn't have any children the odds are good that you won't be having any either.

Shaker-style Cabbage, Carrots and Parsnips
2 parsnips, peeled and grated or run through food processor
2 carrots, grated
½ head of cabbage
1 (13 ¾ oz.) can of chicken broth
1 ½ cans of water, or enough to almost cover
1 Tablespoon brown sugar, not packed
1 cup of water

Use a 2 ½ to 3 quart pot with lid for preparing this dish. Place the vegetables, chicken broth and water into the pot, stir, cover and boil fifteen minutes.

Mix the brown sugar and cup of water and stir it to dissolve. Add this to the pot and stir it in. Cover the pot and simmer the contents for fifteen to thirty minutes.

Serve in a side dish which has some depth so you can be sure to savor the broth. Put a pat or two of butter on top of each serving and have at it. This is a tasty combination which makes eating vegetables fun again.

Bobbi Line's Malted Milk Cookies

There are generations of good cooks in some families and Bobbi Line is following in a family heritage of fine cooking. If you enjoyed Carolyn Francis' chocolate chip cookies in last week's column you're sure to like these cookies. Bobbi Line is the daughter of Carolyn Francis and Bobbi sure knows her cookies too.

Bobbi, from Eaton, OH, makes everything look easy in the kitchen. She has her daughter Beth, who likes to help in the kitchen when she's not in school and Bobbi also finds time to work in a Day Care center. Beth will probably have one of her recipes here in this column in the future.

Word came to me that Bobbi's malted milk cookies are wonderful and the word was soon followed by the recipe. I do think that one step in the process was short-circuited. I'm very sure Bobbi would have sent some cookies for me to taste and I suspect the messenger, who is a formerly skinny person, could not be trusted to deliver cookies.

The instant chocolate drink mix referred to in this recipe can be most any kind you prefer. You don't have to be picky about which malted milk balls you use either. Malted milk balls sold in bulk in candy stores are sometimes quite expensive so you can save by just buying pre-bagged malted milk balls in any supermarket or discount store.

Bobbi Line's Malted Milk Cookies
1 cup butter softened
¾ cup brown sugar
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/4 cups flour
2 tablespoons instant chocolate drink mix
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 cups of malted milk balls, crushed

In a mixing bowl cream together the butter and both sugars. Beat in egg and vanilla. In another bowl combine the flour, drink mix, baking soda and salt. Gradually add these combined dry ingredients to creamed mixture. Stir in the crushed malted milk balls.

Shape into 1 ½ inch balls and place two inches apart on a greased baking sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 or 12 minutes until set. This will make approximately 3 dozen cookies and I will require half of them for testing to be sure you baked them right.

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

If you want a cookie that taste like a brownie, then this is the cookie for you. They are very easy to make, and you can have the little ones help you roll the cookies in the powdered sugar.

1/2 cup corn oil
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
4 squares unsweetened chocolate
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour
1 cup powdered sugar

Melt chocolate according to directions on the box. Mix corn oil, chocolate and sugar. Blend in one egg at a time. Stir in all dry ingredients. Chill dough for several hours. Roll into equal size balls. Roll balls in powdered sugar.

Place 2" apart on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Do not overbake.
Recipe Submitted by David Shaner